Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
