no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
