Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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