I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
