What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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