I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
