So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
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We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
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On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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