umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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