I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
