i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
