This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
