Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
