But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
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Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
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When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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