Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
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He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize