wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize