Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
These tits shall not be calmed
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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