I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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