U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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