I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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