My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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