Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
