I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
