Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize