i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
