So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
