4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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