So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
