Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
