Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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