Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
