So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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