why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
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now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
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i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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