i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
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After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
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When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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