We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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