Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
