Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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