the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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