Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize