So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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