wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He better not be in your backpack
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
