Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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