fuck your aforementioned shoe
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
