if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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