Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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