Farmville is her only friend.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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