"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
