Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
be right there i have to get my cape
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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