when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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