Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
