Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize