do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
