She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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