What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
