ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
