she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
