toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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