Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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