dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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