so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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