Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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