I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
