also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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