Please, let me fuck your mom
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
