Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
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I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
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I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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